Saturday, January 2, 2010

Fresh Start

The thing about "grace" that most people don't get is that it is free and unconditional.  I am part of "most people".  In my head, I understand grace and the implications; in my heart, I still dredge up my shortcomings and failures.

Why do I ruminate over long-forgiven sins?  Why do I dwell on what I didn't do instead of what I can do right now?  Why do I pick at the scabs in my heart and refuse to let them heal?   [sigh]  I could probably come up with some psychological explanation to satisfy those who like that sort of thing, but the real issue is pride.  I am prideful. I want my life to be perfect, and when it isn't I think that others notice my failure to do so. 

I have never kept a single New Year's resolution, not because I didn't want to, but because they were so impossibly abstract and lofty that it was impossible.  But this year I resolve to "take each day as a fresh start."

Each day is a new and precious gift from God, and I resolve to make the most of it.  Forgiven sins will be pushed aside to make way for the gifts of today.  I want to notice the little glint in my husband's eye instead of the gloom in my heart; to experience the wonder of silence instead of the drum beat of failure; to walk with a sense of anticipation instead of dread.

May twenty-ten bring you many blessings from God!

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