The thing about "grace" that most people don't get is that it is free and unconditional. I am part of "most people". In my head, I understand grace and the implications; in my heart, I still dredge up my shortcomings and failures.
Why do I ruminate over long-forgiven sins? Why do I dwell on what I didn't do instead of what I can do right now? Why do I pick at the scabs in my heart and refuse to let them heal? [sigh] I could probably come up with some psychological explanation to satisfy those who like that sort of thing, but the real issue is pride. I am prideful. I want my life to be perfect, and when it isn't I think that others notice my failure to do so.
I have never kept a single New Year's resolution, not because I didn't want to, but because they were so impossibly abstract and lofty that it was impossible. But this year I resolve to "take each day as a fresh start."
Each day is a new and precious gift from God, and I resolve to make the most of it. Forgiven sins will be pushed aside to make way for the gifts of today. I want to notice the little glint in my husband's eye instead of the gloom in my heart; to experience the wonder of silence instead of the drum beat of failure; to walk with a sense of anticipation instead of dread.
May twenty-ten bring you many blessings from God!